


Bottled Up Emotions

by memoriesofrain



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Forgiveness, Gen, Hatred, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Tumblr Prompt, becoming friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:38:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoriesofrain/pseuds/memoriesofrain
Summary: Hope has a lot of feelings towards Snow Villiers.





	Bottled Up Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for a prompt sent to me on tumblr. I hope you enjoy it!

When he first gets a good look at the man who was the cause of his mother's death, he feels anger curdle in his stomach. It roars in his ears and makes his teeth grind together, his voice too tight to get out the words. The accusations. The truth.

But it settles at the base of his throat, echoing through snappy remarks and bitter statements. It's as if he can't say the words aloud and so they seep through everything he voices to him.

To Snow Villiers.

He wants to say it, he desperately needs to because the anger is eating him alive. He knows it is. He knows it in the way he throws himself at monsters and soldiers alike to get stronger. Strong enough to do what he feels he must. To avenge his mother.

Lightning knows it too. It's the reason she advises him to give up on his desire for revenge. She doesn't get it though. She doesn't understand how this hatred has been the only thing that's kept him going, how he almost relishes how it festers each time he thinks of him because at least he has something. At least he has a reason to keep on moving forward.

He doesn't dwell on that thought.

Palumpolum is a mess from the start and when Lightning hands him over to Snow to “keep him safe,” he doesn't know whether to feel angry for being given to the man or pleased that he has the opportunity he's been waiting for. So he continues to bite remarks and glare with all the might he possesses.

On those rooftops, he finally says it.

“She's dead because of you,” Hope says, looking down at Snow gripping onto the ledge. He expects to feel satisfaction join the anger inside him but upon seeing Snow's wide, horror-stricken expression any satisfaction that might have been building, shriveled up and died in his chest.

Nausea joints the anger and tears stream down his face. He wants to rub them away, hide any evidence besides hate in front of Snow. But doing that means looking away. And he can't.

He looks at Snow, hanging onto the ledge with the ground so far below and sees his mother.

The knife grasped tightly in his hands, held over his head threatens to fall from his suddenly weak grasp. He can't. He can't make himself finish what he started. He wants to drop the knife. He wants to reach down and help Snow get back on solid ground.

He may want it but the anger still threatens to swallow him alive.

He doesn't remember much in the following moments, just a glimpse of an air soldier then a searing heat against his back and weightlessness as his vision fades to black.

 

 

He wakes up against Snow's back and can't help jolting back in surprise. He'd honestly expected to die when the explosion catapulted him off the balcony. He would've died, he should have died. Just like his mother did. But he didn't. Instead, Snow, who he'd nearly killed, must have saved him and continued to watch over him despite it all.

“Hey, look who's awake,” Snow says, turning his head just so to be able to look at his face.

So many questions flood his mind. "Why did you save me?"

Snow's face instantly drops and he turns to look forward again. “‘Get Hope home,’” he says. His grip on Hope's legs tightens. “Your mother asked me that before she fell.” He pauses, collecting himself if the shuddering breath he takes means what Hope thinks it does. “I never meant for her to fall, I swear, I tried to hold on to her hand… but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough.”

Hope takes his own shuddering breath. He feels the tears welling up in his eyes but he tries to hold them back. “She's not coming back.”

Snow's head bows further forward and he shakes his head. “I'm so sorry, Hope.”

Hope buries his face in Snow's collar and lets the tears fall. He's known this since it happened, but it feels so much more so with Snow's apology. “I know she's not coming back.” His voice is thick with his tears but he continues on. “I know it's not your fault, but I couldn't help but blame you. I needed to blame you, or I wouldn't have kept going forward.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Hope. Or to make you feel like I had forgotten the whole thing or that it hadn't affected me because it did. I see it happen, you know? In my dreams I'm there again, everyone is being gunned down and your mother saves my life. But I can't hold on to her hand to save her life.” He chuckles humorlessly. “And her eyes, they are always so kind and she looks at me and she's telling me it's okay, but I know it's not.”

Hope doesn't know how to respond to that. The silence stretches and Snow has stopped moving entirely. The collar of Snow's jacket is wet underneath his face but he can't get his tears to stop. He thought he'd used them all up. “I hate you,” Hope whispers, “But I can't anymore. It isn't your fault and I can't blame you for it.”

 

“It's okay, I deserve it.”

“You don't. You really don't, Snow. You protected me, you stayed with me even if I was lagging behind.” Hope squeezes Snow's shoulders and takes in a shuddering breath. The tears are slowing down and he dares to raise his head to look at the side of Snow's face that he can see.

Snow's face is broken, like it was when he watched Serah turn to crystal in front of his eyes. The look doesn't belong on his face.

“Snow,” He doesn't know what he wants to say but continues on, “don't… don't blame yourself. My-my mother never would have blamed you.” He leans his head against Snow's and feels how Snow is trying to calm down. “I'm sorry.”

Snow let's out a wet chuckle. “I'm the one who should be sorry, kiddo.”

Hope snorts, silently praying he didn't get snot on Snow. “Snow I nearly killed you back there.”

“But you didn't.”

“But I didn't.” The fact makes his heart rate spike and then mellow.

In that moment Hope feels the bond they have forged with each other. He feels the warmth of friendship and family emerge from the anger and sorrow that use to flourish in his chest. The suffocating feeling of garbled hate that had lodged itself in his throat is melting away, soothed by forgiveness.

He's always wanted a brother.

 

 

Later, in the future when he scolds Snow for just bursting in and messing things up, he can feel happiness tickle his mouth. He can't fight the smile when Snow gives him that sheepish grin and scratches the back of his head. “You really don't think things through fully, so you.”

Snow laughs at that. “Oh come on, Hope,” Snow whines, “I'm trying to save your life here.” He gestures to the struggling Alissa on the ground, sending everyone a fierce glare, baring her teeth.

“So it would seem.” He's ignoring the sputtered questions passing between Noel and Serah. “But really, were all these guards needed?” He gestures at all ten of the guards who are circling their group, their guns pointed at Alissa just in case they needed to fire.

Snow shrugs. “Maybe a touch overboard, I'm sorry.” He reaches a hand out to grasp his shoulder and pull Hope into a hug.

He may be bigger now that he's an adult, bit Hope still feels engulfed in Snow's arms. “God, you’re the same as I remember,” Hope sighs, but moves his arms to reciprocate the hug. “I missed you, you big oaf.”

“Ouch, no need for that!” Snow laughs and brings one of his hands up to ruffle Hope's hair. “I missed you too.”

“Hmph, you better have.”

“Yeah, love you too, kiddo.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you have time I'd love it if you could leave a review and kudo. 
> 
> If you have a prompt you'd like me to write, just send it to cakelanguage on tumblr.


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